Terry E. Furman Terry E. Furman 
This page is intended to document my life and experiences so that others can get to know me.
I've decided on some major areas to discuss and will fill in the blanks as time permits. I will update information, especially in the Current Status section, frequently. With that said, we might as well get started ...
Most people are curious about where I come from and what I look like.
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Finally, a picture on this page! This is a shot of Tim and I that was taken in 1998 for the church directory. (I'm the one with glasses.) Now my hair has more gray and Tim has less to worry about. :( |
Birth Place: Kane, PA -- NW corner of the state near Erie. Birth Date: June 8, 1945 -- That's right, I'm 66!! Height: 6' 4" Weight: 190 lbs. Hair Color: dark brown/gray, short, stache. (Full beard sometimes.) Eye Color: hazel (whatever that is) -- glasses. Bad Habits: Still smoking. Good Habits: too many to list. Bear Code: B3 f t+ g+ e+ k(+) r -- So I've been told. ;-) Hanky Code: Rust in both pockets!
( Kane, PA > Jamestown, NY > Cleveland, OH > Portland, OR > San Francisco, CA > Portland, OR )
I was born in Kane, PA and lived there until I was six years old. I have a sister (7 years older) living in Horseheads, NY and another sister (2 years younger) living in Jamestown, NY. My parents retired to Lecanto, FL in 1985.
We moved to Jamestown because there was little work for my father in Kane. We lived in a small but comfortable house. Looking back, I don't know how my parents managed to raise a family on their incomes. My mother was one of 12 children so I had a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins. I remember many Christmas parties and summer family reunions growing up.
I was always interested in how things worked and did well in math and science in school. Jamestown had a very active music program in its schools and I started on the clarinet in fifth grade. I switched to bassoon in seventh grade.
I had my first motss experience at age fourteen. A friend and I were sleeping out in our backyard. Joe casually asked if I had ever had someone suck me off. At first I wasn't sure what he was talking about. However, I soon found out! I tried to do him, but he was a lot bigger than me, and it didn't work out too well. By the end of summer we were getting together several times a week.
When I started high school, Joe's family moved to the other side of the city. We were lucky to get together once a month. I started dating several girls, but always looked forward to seeing Joe.
By my senior year I had found three other guys to get together with. Seldom saw any one of them more than once or twice a month but collectively I was having a lot of sex.
In 1963 I went to Baldwin-Wallace College in Berea, OH, a small college town SW of Cleveland, OH. This was a major change in my life, and I started dating girls again. Nothing really happend until my senior year. A friend and I were both "dumped" by our girlfriends on the same day. Since it was Friday, we went out to drown our sorrows in a few beers.
When we got back to the dorm, we were both a little sloshed. As we fumbled around in his room, we fell to the floor. All of a sudden I felt him playing with my crotch. That's all the signal I needed. We never got together again or even spoke about it. I'll assume that it was his first time. Didn't matter -- within days I went to a couple of the local hangouts and managed to find a young man that had his own apartment not to far from campus.
( Baldwin-Wallace > Memorex > Four-Phase Systems > Motorola > Tactix )
After graduation in 1967 I started working for B-W as the first Assistant Director of Computing Services. Basically, I did all the work and someone else got all the credit. I had an apartment about 10 miles from the campus and devoted most of my time to work. I continued to see the fellow with the apartment and through him also met several other guys. Over the next few years we drifted apart, usually because they moved away from the area.
This is when I met my future wife. She and I spent a lot of time together; drifted apart when she went away to graduate school; got back together when she moved back to Berea. By 1972 I was spending all of my time with her and we were married in May, 1973.
Just before we were married I left the college for Memorex. Only worked for them for nine months and left them for Four-Phase Systems when Memorex decided to get out of the computer business. (Still have some photos of the MRX/50 system - really neat machine.)
Our first son was born in 1974. The company's business was growing rapidly and I spent a lot of time working. It was necessary to travel and spend time away from home. Neither of us cared for it but the money was good.
About four years into our marriage I was working for several months in Pittsburgh. One evening I struck up a conversation with a man in the hotel bar. The night ended with us in bed together. After that, whenever I travelled I would attempt, usually with success, to find someone to have sex with.
By 1980 we had two more sons. My wife was a fulltime homemaker and I was the SE Manager, with twelve engineers, in the Cleveland Four-Phase office. I travelled a lot, especially to the South Bay area, and began to look forward to trips. I started looking for bars, baths, etc. in all the major cities I went to.
In 1983 I had an opportunity to work on some internal projects for software engineering and was asked by Four-Phase to relocate to either Cupertino, CA or Portland, OR - easy choice to make. (Shortly after we moved to Portland, Four-Phase was purchased by Motorola.)
Once again, because of the demands of moving, and starting a new job I was able to stop my outside affairs. However, within a few years, I was back looking forward to trips and keeping in touch with men that I met on trips. E-mail made it easy to arrange meetings to coincide with travel.
I seldom went out in Portland. There was no easy way to justify or explain where I was going. Also, since I was living the perfect "straight" life, the fear of being discovered kept me at home when in town.
In late '92 Motorola decided to close the facility in Portland. Two other managers and I went together to form our own company rather than relocating to Tempe, AZ. We hired several of the best engineers from the facility to work for us.
Suddenly the extended business trips came to an end! For several months I tried to be faithful to my wife, but the desire to be with men was getting the best of me.
( Saturday May 27, 1995 -- announcement was not received with wild enthusiasm. )
The last two years have been a "living hell" for me. I started hitting the bars and other hang-outs trying to find relief. The stories I needed to make up to explain why I was working late, going back on a weekend night, etc. were amazing. I'm not proud of it at all.
I started avoiding my wife; staying up late until she was asleep. I was seldom interested in having sex - at least with her. Meanwhile I was busy forming a small group of close male friends. Most of them lived alone so it was just a matter of planning to get together.
The last six months I have spent hours and hours trying to decide what to do. I knew I couldn't continue with the charade much longer. I wasn't happy with myself. I felt I was living a lie. And, worst of all, I didn't like what it was doing to my wife.
I met Bob in January. He had been through a similar experience at about the same age. We are very much alike -- he had been married for 27 years, and has three children. He convinced me that, in the long run, being true to myself and to those I love was the best way to go. I'm not sure how much longer I could have lived with lies and sneaking around. Therefore, when I was asked if I knew what the problem was with our relationship, I decided to be honest and answered her questions truthfully.
Well we finally did it! On October 12, 2003, Tim and I were married in a double ceremony with my cousin Bob and his partner Russ. (They have been together for over 19 years.) The wedding was held in Victoria, BC, Canada at a nice little bed and breakfast named Ifanwen. Here are a few photos of the event.
Administrative note: This file was getting too big so I decided to push the older diary entries into other files.
01/02/99 I'm not sure how many more entries I'll make. This started as a diary of the coming out process of a married man -- what led up to it, what happened, and where he is at. Today I am living happily with another man, Tim, who I love more and more with each passing day. This is what I've longed for ... this is what I need.
05/29/99 Okay, I decided to write some more. The 27th marked the 4th annivarsary of my coming out. Things are a lot different today. A couple of weeks ago Tim and I hosted a BBQ for 14 close friends to celebrate our 6th month annivarsary of "living together without killing each other." My family is anxious to meet him next month when we travel back to Jamestown, NY for a wedding. I couldn't be happier.
11/13/99 Tim and I will celebrate our first anniversary on the 15th. The "M" word (marriage) has been coming up more and more often at home. Don't be surprised if we announce plans to take the plunge some time next year.
My mother passed away in October and we had to travel back to Jamestown for the funeral. At the end of the service my two sisters and I went up to say good-bye to mom together. After a few moments their husbands come up and stood behind them, and so did mine! Tim thinks he heard a few "Oh my God's!" from the audience. I am the executor of the estate and will be heading to Florida next week to start the process of disposing of her assets. Tim has been a big help in getting things lined up for me. I couldn't have found the time to make all the phone calls, etc. without his help.
06/11/00 Boy, turning 55 was harder than either 40 or 50. I'm not sure what the problem was. Tim had a party for me on Saturday. We had about 10 show up to help celebrate. The rings have arrived but we still haven't set a date for the ceremony. Look for more news either later this year or early next. I want to go to Vermont in the fall to get registered. It would be interesting to see what happens in Oregon when we get back. Might be worth "pushing" this state a little.
06/12/01 Another year has passed. Not much to report. Tim and I have now been together about 2.5 years. We've had some difficult times during the past year. Somehow we have been able to put the problems behind us and are moving ahead as a couple. Still no date for a ceremony. Time and money are the big issues. Besides, the fact that we consider ourselves married is enough for us.
06/24/02 Time marches on. We have spent the past month getting things fixed and/or replaced around the condo. Looks like a totally new place. We will probably live here for a couple more years - maybe until I retire - who knows. At any rate, we like it and it's our home. My youngest son has finished college. He is off to Japan to work for the government for the next couple of years. Better get our passports ready. This may be our only excuse to travel to Japan.
03/21/04 See above under Current Status for pictures of our wedding last year in Victoria, BC. If we had waited until this month, we could have gotten married here in Portland. I'm really glad we did it when we did. It was very nice and we enjoyed the time with Bob and Russ, even though it was short.
The next couple of months will be interesting here in Oregon as the case for same-gender marriages works its way to the Oregon Supreme Court. It looks like the current laws are unconstitutional, like so many other states, and the court will probably vote that way. The problem is, there is a group that is trying to get an amendment on the ballot for this coming November. It could be a long fight to make sure it doesn't pass.
07/04/05 Well, it has been ten years since I came out to my wife and family. Although it caused a lot of problems, I'm glad I did it. I also turned the big six oh on June 8th. I'm still in very good health. Don't have too many parts that hurt, and some parts work just as well as they did years ago. :)
07/04/11 It's been six years since I've added anything to this page. Decided it was time to make another entry. Tim and I will be off to New York City this November for 2 weeks. We got tickets for "The Book of Mormon" and then built the rest of the trip around it.
Buddy, our cat, isn't doing very well. He's about 16.5 years old and stopped eating almost a month ago. The vets can't find any physical reason for it. We force feed him some medical food four times a day and also give him some medicine that is supposed to stimulate his appetite. Tim has decided that we will do this until next weekend and then he is on his own again. If he doesn't start eating on his own, then it may be time to put him down.